More courage

So let's pick up where we left off last time and talk about how to begin to start being emotionally honest.  How to use courage and "tell your whole heart."   I asked you to just observe. Do not do anything differently but observe how many times you say "I'm fine" when you are not, when you agree to do something you do not want to do, when asked to make a choice you say "whatever you want is fine".

How many of you did this?  Really and honestly did this?  I would love to hear what your results were and how they made you feel.  Were you surprised or are you already living with emotional honesty and courage by “telling your whole heart”?  If you are congratulations and feel free to share your tips on how you are able to achieve this!   For those of you who observed you are not being emotionally honest, let’s look at some things you can do.  Look at your observations, do you see any pattern?  It is particular people you are just existing with or everyone?   Are you closed off at work due to fear of vulnerability?  What about with friends and family members?  Do you share your true thoughts and feelings with anyone?  Another thing to think about is this…many times we have done so in the past and it didn’t turn out well and we were hurt.  In order to protect ourselves we shut down.   Again, I want you to ask yourself, “is this really living?”  “Is this what I want to do forever?”

A few thoughts on ways you can learn to use courage by speaking your whole hearts.    The first place to start is with you.  Are you emotionally honest with yourself?  Do you accept and understand how you feel?  Many people tell themselves that everything is fine, they are.  We pretend that we are happy and that our lives are exactly what we want them to be.  Not admitting your true emotions, feelings, desires to yourself means that you don’t do anything to change this.  You continue living but are not living sincerely and honestly.  Dishonesty, living against your beliefs creates anxiety, fear, resentment, anger and distrust.  Distrust in ourselves as well as others.    This is not how I want you to feel or live your life!  I want better for myself and for you!

Plan of action for this time… just continue to observe but add in some journaling about it. Do not do anything differently but observe how many times you are “emotionally dishonest”.  Observe this without judgment, just notice.  Make a note of each time this happens.  At the end of the day or as it occurs journal and write about the emotions that are evoked when you observe dishonesty to yourself.  Are you treating yourself with the respect that you show others?    Write down your emotional and physical reactions.  Do you feel tense, have a headache or is your stomach upset?  Do you feel good about yourself or do you wish you had been honest?  Do you feel resentment towards others or towards yourself?  

“When you say 'yes' to others, make sure you aren't saying 'no' to yourself.” Paulo Coelho (born 1947); Poet, Writer

Courage Part I

"The root of the word courage is cor- the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart". Brene Brown

Brene' Brown is one of my favorite author and researchers. She just talks to me! She studies shame and breaks it down for us. She teaches some very important lessons. The above definition came from her book "The Gifts of Imperfection". I highly recommend this (and all her stuff) to read.  She has a new book out that I have not yet read but it is on my list and I am already signed up for a Facebook reading group about it! 

Courage= "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart" Wow that is not what we typically think of when we hear the word courage. I don't at least, I think hero's, doing some brave, something scary. To tell all one's heart...that is scary! Do any of us do this? How many of you are emotionally honest? Do you truthfully tell those around you how you really feel or do you "fake it till you make it?" It is not reasonable to expect to tell all your heart to everyone you meet. It is reasonable to have a group of family/friends that you share you heart with. It is reasonable to have people you trust to know what your true thoughts and feelings are.

The topic of emotional honesty comes up time after time in therapy sessions. Many people are afraid to tell others the truth. This makes sense because then you are vulnerable. Vulnerable ---adj.
1.) Capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt. 2.) Open to temptation, persuasion, censure, etc. 3.) Liable or exposed to disaster. This sounds like something to avoid doesn't it? Let's be honest if we live avoiding vulnerability are we really living? A life where no one really knows you, you never share your heart; you never open up and allow others to open up to you. I would describe that as existing, not living.  Does anyone really know you?  Do you allow that?

Sadly, many of us "live" this way. So let's talk about how to begin to start being emotionally honest. How to use courage and "tell your whole heart." This week just observe. Do not do anything differently but observe how many times you say "I'm fine" when you are not, when you agree to do something you do not want to do, when asked to make a choice you say "whatever you want is fine". Observe this without judgment, just notice, maybe even keep a written record of it.  We will look at making some changes next but first let’s see where we are.

 

I can honestly say that my mantra meditation challenge "surrender and acceptance" is a step towards gaining courage.  Courage to be open to what is there for me and to be willing and able to accept what I need.  Courage to speak my heart and follow my instinct and make a difference. 

 

Day 1- ahh good stuff

Day 1 of my 40 day meditation challenge- I planned to meditate much earlier in the day but alas life got in the way.  It makes me very happy to say that I did get my mediation in and it was a lovely experience.  I chose the mantra surrender and acceptance.  During my meditation I did breathe in surrender and breathe out acceptance.  The mantra was actually quite pleasant and it really helped to keep the ever present thoughts at bay.  During my mindful mediations it can be quite easy to get distracted and of course thoughts popped in tonight as well but they were easier to dismiss.  When I teach meditation I suggest that you simply thank the thoughts for appearing but let them know they are not needed right now.  It pleases me to say tonight the thoughts just dismissed themselves rather easily. 

I found my self doing the yogic breathing and adding in some gentle twists on my breath so it also was a sort of moving meditation and left me feeling relaxed and stretched out.  The twists I added were all sitting twists with really very little movement but were a nice addition that just felt right.

My thoughts and mood before I began were somewhat restless edging towards anxiety.  My heart was racing a great deal today even though it "should" have been a low stress day.  Considering these things my initial thought was that it may be tough to maintain a 40 minute meditation but it was really not.  My heart rate and breathing is calmer than it has been all day and my sense of urgency to do this or that has dissipated for the time being anyway. 

I hope that anyone who has decided to join me on this journey had a successful experience for day 1 and would love to hear about your time.  If you want any assistance or have any questions please ask!

Love, live and breathe deeply